"I just don't know how to be friends with the opposite sex." [Read Part 1 here]
Our conversation continues on the phone. Lisa's tone is cold, each word delivered punch-less-ly. She is not in a good mood at all. I can hear it in her. She is succinct - a sharp contrast from the spunky Lisa that I grew to adore.
"Ok mami, are you at least optimistically agitated? I mean, are you dating at all?"
"I am but it's the same old story - no connections whatsoever. It's hard to truly get to know a man when he can't keep his eyes off of my breasts. Next thing you know I'm being propositioned or made uncomfortable by some lame ass sexual reference which leads to me walking you to the door. It never fails, I... I just don't know. But I do know one thing - I am not having sex until I am married. Uh-huh. Hello. Are you listening to me? Ron."
My occasional "uh huhs" were absent throughout her diatribe.
I like how my name rolls from her tongue, but she is overly intense. Hence, I am blinded by her emotional hijab. She feels oppressed, but I could never understand this, even if I were in her shoes.
Silence is music right now... but it is singing a sad song. You know the songs that you typically hear when rain spattles against the window. Yeah, that is where I am right now. Outside spattling in cold rain. Rain is falling down all over me... and Lisa won't open the door to let me in.
I need to feel better. In my round about attempt to weasel myself through the back door and somewhere close to her heart, I reflect on the good old days.
"I miss you. And I'm glad that we've never had that problem... with sex, ehhh mami?"
I spattled. Oops.
Here comes a verbal punch - a round house. I asked for it.
"Oh really? Well if we never had that problem and you miss me so much why did you let me get away like that huh? Wait wait - don't answer that. It's ok. You know, we had something special... but it's long gone and I don't know how I feel talking to you right now. I really haven't even thought about you. I'm just saying...hmh."
"It's all good Lisa. I wasn't exactly Superman now was I?"
"Hahaha. Ok Ron you went there. Okay. You know something? I hate you and I think that this conversation is ova. Good bye Ron you take care."
Click. She is such a spattler. But I did it to her. I pulled her away. But what else am I supposed to do while being attacked by verbal darts? Duck? No, I fight back. I know, it's probably not too smart to be on the defense in moments of emotional dischord.
But my real mistake? I wasn't prepared to handle her round house that came later. I checked my email an hour later. A message from Lisa. It was succinct. It said:
RON You Were SUPERMAN
Awww Dayumm. Now why did she go there?
Hate is such a dangerous word. But don't worry, Lisa and I will speak again. I will share with you why many relationships make the same mistakes that Lisa and I made, and how I bugged out after learning from her why sex is such a dangerous weapon.
Lesson #1 in How To Be A Friend To The Opposite Sex (and ex?):
Define your relationship as a friendship from the start.
In my mind, Lisa was only a friend, but her feelings about me were much more. I knew it, but I never asserted myself to acknowledge. My reluctance to open up to her about our feelings ultimately hurt her. I failed to identify with her emotions.
Put egos aside, address why you both want to be just friends. There's a period in every platonic friendship that you question whether or not you should be more. Address it early on by talking about it.